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Instinct and Reason
I recall feeling very peaceful one morning, driving off to run some errands. I had my coffee with me, a good start to the day, and was feeling very loving towards everything and everyone. Then some sucker in a BMW cut me off. Road rage reared its ugly head. I felt my teeth grinding and my heart thumping away in my chest and throat, accompanied by thoughts of how I could avenge myself for this dastardly deed on the part of this no doubt less intelligent and less sensitive driver.
Where did that peaceful feeling go? Got sidestepped by my reaction. My instinct, whose intention and mission is very simple, went into action. It’s mission: Keep Steven Alive. This very foundational animal aspect took care of me by shooting adrenalin and cortisol through my body, readying myself to freeze, fight, or flee. Although there certainly was potential for some sort of accident, nobody was harmed.
My reaction, instinctual at the core, quickly evolved to righteous indignation and judgment. Instantaneously, I was faced with some choices. Become aggressive toward this other driver, take it out one someone or something else, call someone and complain, or—and get this one—letting it go. I argued with myself and was tempted to get even somehow, but slowly, reason prevailed. It’s been shown through brain mapping studies that activity in the left hemisphere, the side of the brain mainly responsible for reasoning and rational thought, diminishes greatly under any kind of stress or perceived threat. However the right hemisphere, that part of the brain primarily responsible for emotions, lights up like a Christmas tree when a survival response is triggered. It’s also been demonstrated that this phenomenon is greatly exaggerated in individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Conclusion: when there is a perceived threat, rational thinking goes out the window—in this case, the car window!
So what do you do? Here are three steps to take whenever you find yourself in the kind of a situation that triggers this most basic survival response.
1) BREATHE!—Yes, catch your breath first and foremost by taking four slow, deep breaths. This engages the parasympathetic response, which essentially helps you calm down and relaxes the tension you no doubt have accumulated from the experience.
2) SLOW DOWN—Literally move slower, whether in a car or not. If in a car, pull over if it helps you to calm down. Taking your time will not only help in this kind of situation, but may even help avoid these kind of incidents.
3) CHANGE YOUR MIND—Okay, sometimes easier said than done. While the initial reactive thoughts are in line with the freeze/flight/flee survival response, the “catastrophic thinking” or “Oh my God!” kind of thinking can be modified. Remind yourself that nobody was harmed, that you’re calm, that further aggressive vengeance only keeps the cycle going. If you THINK about it, more often that not, most reactions like these do not result in great harm.
These three steps take practice yet can be incredibly effective in all but the worst circumstances. Try ‘em out and you’ll see.
